Today makers the day that my oldest daughter is offically school ready. It’s a sad day but also a happy one. I hoped she would have waited until next year when she was actually 4 but she did things that made it very clear that she was ready for a new (much larger) milestone in life.

I loved that we have mastered small milestones in life, the biggest one she mas mastered was using the toilet like a big girl. These were small milestones that I knew I could handle in life, simple ones that in my heart I knew were small. I never wanted to focus on the larger ones that I knew would come. I think this milestone is more of a slap to the face, this slap sucks, she is growing up and ready to explore the world. Explore the world leading the way instead of Mommy leading the way.

I know it is only preschool, it is only two days a week for a few hours. But she is still my little baby girl. I don’t want her to grow up, I have fears for her. I am afraid that she will get bullied, or get hurt, even worse feel alone. I know that she will be under teachers care and that nothing bad will happen. But my own mother told me that that is a mothers curse, you spend your life worrying for them. But the best part of that curse, the love that is in your life. It is a new love, a love that you can never explain, it’s something that you never knew you were missing out on until you hold your child.

I know she will love me, even hate me at times. But those are milestones and things I knew would happen. I was prepared for that, but these feelings I have about my daughters first day at preschool. These are harder than I would have ever expected. But part of me knows that these feelings will fade, but I also know that these feelings will come again, and again and forever.

Wanting the best for your kids and wanting to protect them is a hard balance, it is a fight that I know now my own parents felt often. But in all reality I welcome these feelings every day, and look forward to my children growing and exploring the world till their hearts content.

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