Well I did it, more like we did it. It was Gabby’s official first day of school and it was the full day. We did the half day where I was with her and she got to try out preschool and she didn’t even notice that I was there. But today was the whole day, well she goes in the morning and she made it. No accidents or anything, I am so proud. Granted that I was positive she would want to go home early or need me to come and hover around. But she was a perfect student.
I guess I have to face the fact that my little girl is growing up and doesn’t need to hold my hand anymore. I know that at times she will need me and I will be there waiting, hoping it is sooner than later. People say to not count your chickens before they hatch, but I this case I think that it is okay. The only reason I know this is because SHE wanted to go to preschool, SHE was ready. I wish I was in the same boat but luckily her little sister can distract me.
Parts of me do look forward to when both my girls will be in preschool and I will have my own time. But then there is a little twinge inside of me that knows when that day happens I will have to figure out what to do with myself. I have already started to look into taking online classes to finish my degree, or maybe find a part time job, depending on what the girls schedule is like.
As my children grow parts of me feel lost and left behind, however, parts of me rejoice that they are coming into their own. Parenthood is a pull and push of many emotions and feelings that no one prepares you for. There is no book out there to help you deal with how you feel, you can ask your own parents and they smile, give you advice and think back to when you were a child. And that is what life is, experiencing things first hand and figuring out what path to take and hoping that you made the right choice.
I know now that my child will grow up and experience life and not want to hold my hand, or have me close by; but when they do, I will be there, with open arms and a heart full of love. Always and forever they will be my babies and I just want to love them and help them every day.