Depression

When my children hit a certain age I noticed that they didn’t need me anymore as much. I felt something inside that didn’t feel right. I talked to my husband about it and we couldn’t figure out what it was. So I tried new things to try to pull out my funk, I could do my daily things but it was a hard struggle, harder than I have ever faced. Nothing seemed to help, so I talked to my mother and she said it sounded like I might have depression. I called and made an appointment with my doctor and we talked about a lot of things. Turns out I had a mild case of depression, not what I wanted to hear. It seemed like my mind was against my dream life and needed to be heard, or so I thought.

Zoloft was the answer, not a high dose just enough to push away this little grey cloud that kept following me around. It seemed to help but something was missing, something that I should be doing. Arts and crafts helped but not by much, I needed something bigger. Not sure what but I found it after three months of searching. I needed time away from my family to be alone, not like party late at night or anything that could harm my family. Something meaningful.

A job, something where I could be alone, miss my family and appreciate them when I get back. My job is very part time (8 hours a week), I work as an independent cleaning contractor, and it is a blessing. I still take my medication when just not daily like I was prescribed, it is more of an every other day sort of thing. I would have never in a million years thought that what I needed was something so small. 

I know that my paycheck won’t pay a huge chuck of bills but it helps every month here and there. Not only have I noticed that it helped me with keeping my house up to par (not perfect) but it has raised my spirits and made me feel happier. The greatest bonus is from all this work and moving around it has doubled as a work out plan.

 

So if you feel like something is off. check in with your doctor. You never know until you seek help and it is not a bad thing to do.

Sally Nail Polish

Belong to influenster.com I get free samples (more like products, some full size) when I have been randomly selected. This box I got for free was

The Sally Hansen Total Knock Out VoxBox

Now most people go and pay anything from $8 to got knows how much for manicures or pedicures. I use to be one of those people, I would get the fake nails put on and then have three nails painted with some tiny picture. Talk about a waste of time and money, the filling the time away from people and we all think our nail people are talking about us when we come in. So as any money saver would do, home manicures.  I have tried many nail polishes and different brands. But nothing holds a candle to fab nails like Sally Hansen. Skip the salon, get the results. Don’t settle for just color when you can get a base coat, strengthener, growth treatment, salon-inspired color, top coat, chip-resistance and a gel finish all in 1 bottle. Featuring the unique precision brush for a flawless finish and patented Vita Care technology for advanced 10 day wear, more shine and nourishing care.

COMPLETE SALON MANICURE

7 BENEFITS OF A SALON MANICURE IN 1 BOTTLE

• Base Coat
• Strengthener
• Growth Treatment
• Color
• Top Coat
• Chip-Resistant
• Gel Shine

Go check out their website and see what else they have new coming out, http://www.sallyhansen.com/

 

Color:Pat on Black

Full time mom-house wife part time worker

So being a stay at home mom and house wife is an awesome job, however, there are days where you just need an hour or so to your self. But if you wanted a job there are many things that you have to line up for your child. First off, my husband is our bread winner (I just make bread,lol) and I pay the bills and do all the house hold duties and maybe some more. So paying for day care would have to wail until I had a job that paid me (so that double sided problem wouldn’t work), and any extra money usually went towards food for us with other things that are needed and maybe some gas for the cars. So that didn’t work, also many of our family members work during the day which meant that no one could watch or hang out with our kids free of charge (yeah, another problem).

So what is left for a mother to do, work from home, sure if my kids would not gang up on my and destroy everything I just cleaned up. (They are a organized little gang, it is more like distract mom while the other kid unfolds all my clean laundry.) Sure I could work a full night shift and they would only miss me while they sleep, but then I fear they would think I would always be gone while they slept. So not much there either besides I don’t think they would let mommy sleep during the day. So I would need a job that was for maybe 2-3 hours a day during the evening that wasn’t to hard and time consuming.

Low and behold an answer, independent cleaning contacting, also known as house keeper for companies. Which I do, I knew I had a skill that was marketable and boy am I going to use it. I do have a job, and I work for and hour an evening, five days a week and I can set my own hours to clean from anywhere from five thirty at night to nine. So I can still be at home with my kids, keep my house cleaned and normalish looking, and have dinner ready to eat with my family before I set off and work. Not only do I get an hour and a half (driving time included) to myself to stay sane, I am also helping bring in money to the household to help pay bills and have extra money to save.

So I can bake my cake and eat it to.

Bra’s of all kinds

As a girl growing up all I wanted was boobs, sounds silly but I think many girls want boobs. Our bodies look the same as boys growing up until that wonderful thing happens, our bodies start to take an actual shape that looks different than our male friends. And everybody takes notice in our life, the first person that notices was my mother. I remember shopping for training bras, very uncomfortable. I believe my mother laughed because I was blushing the whole time, not a little bit more like I was red as a tomato. But I felt like I was entering a new part of life that many girls will be joining with me. Little did I know that this new item of clothing would bring me such happiness. Until I was older and realized wishing for big boobs was clearly a mistake and I wasted so many birthday wishes on them. But little did I know that there is many kinds of bras and I would discover them, and loath many.

Training bras– I mean really what are we really training, not our boobs. We are training our bodies to get use to an another piece of clothing that we have to wear because nobody wants to see what looks like two ferrets fighting in a shirt looks like. We are training our bodies to get use to a constricting piece of material that will hold our extra body fat that has shaped a lovely soft yet round balls that will be attached to your chests for years to come.

sports bras– Like many girls I grew tired of this training part of life and its stupid clasps and tightening straps and moved on to sports bra, however, this wonder invention made not only my boobs stay in place like superglue but it made them look smaller. Success, or so I thought, putting the skin tight fabric was hard enough but once on it was great. I could still rough house and run and play and not hurt, however, taking such an item off was like trying to escape a straight-jacked. (I have never tried but I would assume the struggle would be the same.)

underwire bras– To me this would be a logical move from training bras, meaning that yes you have enough flesh and fat to put into a bra. Celebrate! Or so you would think, nope now for the newest uncomfortable step in life underwire. It was put in so that you actually has some support instead of just elastic. If you are lucky you find one that survives being worn and the wire stays exactly where it should (slim chance there). You get poked and stabbed by this support and get funny bruises on your boobs that you have wanted so much that now you wish you didn’t have any. Of course you can try to fix that favorite bra that holds and supports your boobs like a warm soft blanket but no matter what you try, it just gets worse and worse. But if you remove the wire the support is gone.

push-up bras– So you move to the what I call false hope for mankind bras. Your boobs look bigger and fuller and you become so very popular. However this bra comes with yes till underwire but it seems to be welded into place and never moves (thank goodness) but now there is a little bit of padding, well not a little bit more like, not a soul in the world can tell you are cold or if you can feel anything on your chest.

front clasps– These wonderful bras are the easiest bra to put on ever and they come in racer back usually. These are great for larger boobs for they offer support like no other and you don’t have to find some weird way to put on your bra. These are the easiest to keep boys out off trying to undo while making out. I recommend every father buying these ones for their daughters.

nursing bras– This one soul purpose is to just hold your boobs and offer some comfort to your boobs who have a mind of their own now, thanks to the 9 months of a human being growing inside you. You wish to live inside these bras for the soul reason that there is no underwire ever, they are soft like when you first had training bras, just hold your boobs well like a sports bra. But this bra has a trick, a special talent that we all love so much. You can unclip a side and your boob is out in the air and feeding your young.

the newest bra after kids– This bra is any bra that holds and keeps your boobs where they use to be growing up. This bra is amazing because it makes you feel like you just got a boob job. I am now in life at this phase, I didn’t care what bra I bought all I knew was that I had two gift cards to Victoria Secret and I wanted a new bra after having nursing bras for two years and only my old bras that didn’t fit any more. And I am proud to say for once in three years I have bought a new bra and I can see why my spending 52 dollars on a bra is a very good idea.

Body after baby, what I miss

So you should know by now that I had children, yes, plural as in two. And I love my kids dearly, I wouldn’t have life any other way. But my body has gone though something that has changed its shape and size. I am working out to tighten my tummy, and yes it is jiggly due to having kids 16 months apart. Clearly not enough time between kids for my body to heal and go back to normal.

Clearly gravity is winning and it seems as if my body has thrown in the white flag of surrender. It has been 20 months after my second daughter and my body is not changing anymore. My waist is getting smaller slowly, like turtles walking through peanut butter slow but it’s working there. I have cut my food intake down to about half of what I would eat, which includes snacks. Snacking was my favorite part of being pregnant, man did that stupid bitch come bite me back. And hard. I use my husbands bow-flex when I can figure out how to work that med-evil device. I swear it is better for holding the clothing baskets than to use, but I do use it. And that machine is the devil, because it laughs and laughs at me attempt to use it. Clearly this machine was made for men and men only. That should be put on the label, and it should be the first thing listed then how to use the machine. Bow-flex of hell I am no longer your friend. You shall now and forever hold the laundry baskets.

And my butt and thighs are not wanting to join in, but I will be changing that soon. I have always thought my ass was my best body part besides my boobs. But no gravity is now your friend and those pants that help shape your butt and thighs are my friend. Yes, I have sadly become that mom, spanks and corsets and what ever else that is invented to hold your body in the place it use to be, are now my friends. And, I need at least a five hour heads up if my husband wants sex, don’t want him to feel the marks from my hidden helpers. But sometimes he sees them and smiles, I know he loves my body before, during and after kids, but I am only okay with it.

The worst offender are my boobs! They have disappeared into my torso and are staying hidden until I am assuming till hell freezes over. But many women go under the knife to make themselves have a more womanly figure before kids, I just am thinking a 35th birthday gift. But knowing myself I would have a million better uses for money. I know one day my body will be how I want it, and I will be happier but for now I will be okay with my body and long for the days when I was beating gravity and had the spare time to go to the gym, go for a run and have time to myself. Now just to go get milk I have to pack a diaper bag for two girls, my purse, and god knows what else I will need.

Motherhood I feel is much worse then puberty.

Why I love co-sleeping with my family

Many families are not big on co-sleeping with their kids, I don’t know why but when I ask them I hear mostly that they need their space. Well then they shouldn’t have had kids, kids are the opposite of space. When deciding to have kids I knew that there were things that I would have to give up, the big one would be space then privacy. Children are a huge decision to give up everything you loved about being alone and being able to take time to do what ever you wanted. Children are truly the best gifts that I was ever given. With that being said I will let you in on why I co-sleep with my family, even though my husband says he doesn’t like it (ends up snuggling with the girls the most).

When in the hospital my child was close to me in that little plastic type holder thing maybe about 10% of the time. Either they were snuggled with daddy or with me, whether it was feeding or sleeping my kids were never far from me. So it made enough sense that their bassinet would be by my bedside close that I could feed them with no problem, which ended up mostly with me falling asleep with them in my arms or next to me. So when each child was moved into their cribs in their own rooms a slight panic swept over me, baby monitors or not, I did not like the fact my kids were not in arms reach. But I could hear them breathing, mostly snoring and tooting though out the night and I knew that they were safe.

But as all children do they would cry and make noise and end up in our bed feeding or cuddling till they were content, and I could have put them back but I couldn’t. More of I wouldn’t, I cherished the moments we shared while they were small. Holding onto my finger to keep me close, or touching me with any arm or leg if I rolled out of reach. My favorite thing was when they would be laying sideways between my husband and myself to make sure we both were there and that we didn’t go far. This is when my husband started to complain that space was fleeting in our cal. king bed. Trust me there is plenty of room still to this day with all four of us in bed.

The hardest part happened when our oldest was no longer in a crib but ‘big girl’ bed (we removed one side of the crib). The first few nights were mostly her coming in our room checking on us. Nothing in a million-zillion years would make me leave our house without our kids. The first few weeks were hard and included a lot of co-sleeping but I didn’t mind, my children seek comfort and safety in me and I gladly show them.

But I know there will come a time in life where sleeping in their parents beds won’t happen anymore, and I hope those days never come but I know they will. But until then I will co-sleep with my girls and cherish every moment that they need me. For one day I will no longer be needed and I will long for the days where I was the only thing they needed to be happy. With my oldest turning three in December and my youngest turning two in April I think I have many more co-sleeping nights ahead of me and I look forward to each and every one.

And, even though my husband complains I know that when we stop co-sleeping he will miss is as much as I do.

iPads are great!

I know everyone sees those commercials that compare the iPad to something else, but I am here to tell you I love my iPad. That commercial makes it seem like the iPad is a turd in a toilet bowl, just can’t do anything special. But they are wrong. I am a stay at home mom ( you should know that if you read my blogs) and I have this blog, I tweet and I Facebook and I have a video blog and I do all those things on my TA-DA iPad. So saying that it can’t do all these wonderful things is very wrong.

But the other side of the coin, if you work on the road or out of the office a lot and you need all those fancy things included in your tablet then sure go for the laptop with no keyboard but they don’t take discs. So yes depending on what you use your technology for I would say get one that floats your boat or slaps your monkey. But for me I love my iPad and it was the best birthday gift my husband and kids gave me.

I am able to keep up to date on a lot of items and I even blog more because to me I consider my tablet the best way to keep an eye on my kids and not have to be in a different room. And yes I have a keyboard with my iPad it is amazing what kind of accessories they make today that are compatible with the iPad. I mean we went from the basic cell phone that could only dial numbers to phones that are basically little computers in our pockets. So if you are like me and are a mom that blogs I recommend the iPad but if you are running your own business then yes go for the bells and whistles and get that one.

But keep in mind if you have kids or will be having kids, get ones that are durable and get that insurance, I am happy to say that I have phone insurance but not iPad insurance but I might be looking into that soon. Until then I will still be blogging and being a social media mom on my iPad.

Unhappy little home

Being a stay at home mom I have come across many things that make my day harder and difficult. My children are laughing and having fun, but there are days where I just need them to work with me. And sadly this week has been harder than the rest. I don’t know if it is because they are getting bigger but dear lord they drive me up a wall.

For a 2 almost 3 year old and an 18 month old they can and do gang up and cause more chaos than ever. They are both girls and they seem to get along rather well 90% of the time. But lately they just had some sort of switch click on like they know they should just fight constantly. I mean it starts as whining at each other then moves into slapping each-others arms and moves quickly into full on WWF wrestling. I guess I should have expected this with their father being a wrestler in high school and the 3 of them watching WWF, but really the girls are not even older enough to get that far.

Top off this weird flip of bugging one another, we have syncing growth spurts and my youngest is getting her K-9 in. And she is super clinging to me like no other. But I hope and pray that they will snap out of this weird we hate each other thing and be friends again, because they are driving me up the walls. But I know this is a phase and I hope, fingers crossed this is a phase.

Just wish nap time and bed time was not a constant battle between my oldest and I. It has hinder our potty training time also, and to boot bottle battle is even harder. Sometimes I wish I could just be like the movie click and pause or fast forward some parts. But I know that I will miss the important things that I will cherish later. Guess I should just accept defeat and cuddle with my girls and enjoy the chaos that I wanted all those years growing up.

Cleaning for party

So I posted a while ago about hosting my first Tupperware party. Nervous and excited are all I can say so far about the party. Of course the first thing I do is wait until Thursday to clean my house and I am leaving shopping for food and drinks till Friday.

But the thing I am most worried about is if anyone actually shows up, yes people have RSVP that they will be coming. But I still worry that not a single person will show, but then again it would be awesome if they all do. So far only about 8 people will be coming but that is fine. At least some people said they will, and that is huge.

But right now I am taking a break from the dusting, vacuuming, mopping and picking up kids toys. I am hoping that after this deep clean I will be able to keep it this way, at least for a while. The saddest part is I have only cleaned the kitchen and living room. I have left is the family room, front bathroom and the kids room. And, if I have the energy to tackle the master room and laundry. I would drink energy drinks but they make me all twitchy and crack head like and coffee just makes me sleepy. So I am basically just running off women power and hoping the outcome is a totally clean house and an awesome party.

Fingers crossed that it goes off with a hitch on Saturday, and that people show up.

Changes

What do you do when your friend is making choices that you are not happy with?
Do you let them make the choices that you feel are leading them down the wrong path?
Do you tell them that they gave up to easily and should try harder?

I was taught that if you are not happy with someone choices you just let them know that “if they are happy, then I am happy for you”, but sometimes I just want to grab them by the face and tell them they are making a bad choice. Life is hard and sometimes all you have to do is try harder. I have not been in the same position as them but I know that the choice they are making is not right. Nor do I have the right to interfere.

I was the only person to tell them to try and make it work, and they need to wait and see. The changes that they needed to make would not take a day or two to see changes. It takes at least a while for that change to take place, but giving up is not the right choice. Granted other people just said to cut her ties and move on, but there is always feelings that need to be taken into consideration. Not just theirs, everyone involved in that relationship will be affected.

It took them a while to get to where they were and running away and starting over is just the easy way out. Sure new things are exciting and fun, and getting new attention is nice but in the end not all the glitters is gold. They are a rare and special person and the one who choose to continue their life with them discovered that, but when both parties are being stressed and put under conditions that neither of them have ever been in before it is wisest to stay and try to work out the problems together, than run away and start over.

I just feel lost and I know the person I am talking about might also be lost, there are just to many temptations around and I can not defeat them. I just wish they were a strong as I know they are and try to make things work before giving up and starting over with some one new.